Sunday, August 24, 2008

Mourning...

In loving memory of Madam Teresa Tina Pawan (my grandma)...



Lord God, Im thankful for the gift of my grandma in my life. She has been there for me & my family thru thick & thin. We shared our laughter thru all the moments of joy; together we shed our tears in our moments of grief. Then she was attacked by strock & become paralysed.



My grandma has been suffering with her sickness for so long. She was admitted in Keningau hospital last week. Me & my two sisters was about to call SYD2 off at that time. Since her condition is very unstable. Then my mum told us that it's ok for us to go, but if there's an emergency, the 3 of us must come home. Agreeing to that, I told my grandma that if she is gng to leave, I ask her to wait for the 3 of us to come back. There were tears in her eyes at that time & she gripped my hand (i felt that it was an OK from her).




Then on friday (a day before the closing of SYD2). I saw 3 missed call from my dad. I wanted to call him back, but I'm out of credit. Later then, my sister Lana told me that my grandma is very2 critical (she tumpah darah & on oksigen oredi). Then my mum called me. She was crying asking us to come back as soon as possible. I was so sad & shock upon receiving da news. I cried & I can't even talk (mata pun mcm Atashinchi suda hehe). After having my shower, i sit down & relax on my bed & called my dad (dpt da relod dr bian masa tu hehe). I ask him to pick us up in Ranau da next day, & he said he'll confirm me in da morning.




The next morning, he called me & he said that he's in Ranau odi. Panik sikijap sa. I said my sisters are still at their foster parents punya rumah. Then he laugh, "sa masi di keningau ba ni.." he said..kurengggg punya bapa..loyar buruk butul.hehe.Then he said he's picking us up at noon, so me & my sis can follow the SYD2 closing mass.




Aftar dat, sampai tambunan my aunty called me & ask us to go to hospital as soon as we arrived in Keningau. She was crying at that time. we arrived in Keningau hospital at around 3.30pm. Byk org suda di hosp masa tu (like everyone was there ni). Then my aunty ask me to lead a prayer for my grandma. I hold her hands & I prayed for her. After the prayer she opened her eyes and looked at me, I go & bisik to her ears that the 3 of us are here, that if if God has called her, it's ok for her to leave. Then slowly, her hands beginning to be cold followed by her legs & head. & her last breath was a 5pm.


Then she was taken into preparation room. Me, my sis Lana, my cousin Farini & my aunty Aivi was there. The rest of da family members (yg tidak berapa berani tunggu di luar). Formalin was injected in few parts of da body. My grandma kena kasi pakai baju & then kena kasi masuk dalam cofin, bawa pulang at her residence in Kg Tuarid Liawan.


Today, all of us gathered in her house to pay tribute to her. I'm so so tired at this moment. My mum was in her hysteric-mode early this morning, followed by my aunties. one of my aunty cried until she fainted this evening. hmmm. I don't really feel like sleeping tonite. Tonite is da last nite that we can see her, i wanted to be with her like she always did (being there for me, showing her concern to me & loving me as I am). As for tomorow, there will be a Funeral Mass in SFX Cathedral at 11am. The mass will be given by Bishop Cornelius, and after that she'll be buried at Tanah Perkuburan Kristian Tuarid Liawan.


Frankly speaking, I was so touched with my grandma. That she really waited for us to come back from Ranau as she promised. I'm soo thankful that I am able to see her & lead a prayer for her before she leave da world. Sometimes one needs to go for a greater good & this time I know it is for the best (eventho it's hard!). I'm trying to control my emotions here. But I can't. I'm just a person who is very transparent when it comes to matters regarding my feelings ..sanguine kan (",). I just can't hide my sadness behind a smile. I'm putting this in mind, my grandma has been suffering for so long, the Lord is giving her the rest that she needed. God only gives us the best! Amen.


Heavenly Father, I pray that her soul will rest in peace. May you forgive her sins & bring her to heaven. Lord God, She's a beauty that you've created here on earth. We're truly thankful for the gift of Madam Teresa Tina Pawan in our life (sob! sob!).

2 comments:

chezzem said...

kak tity,
so sorry to hear the news.
yes, I remembered her and can still felt the warmth of her hands =) she was such a nice mama, just like ours. take care ok. regards to the family..

Charlene Dawn @ TiTy said...

thanks shaleen (",)